Tip #5: Know the bathrooms in your area
Posted: December 15, 2011 Filed under: Advice, Bathrooms 101, TfTM Original Tips | Tags: bathrooms, urinals 3 Comments »  Contributor: Nash |
This is a tip I use all the time. Get to know what types of bathrooms are in your area. If you go to the same workplace everyday, the same gym, the same bar, etc. – scout out the bathrooms. Get to know what’s available for you. You may find that there’s a better option for you very close by. You may find there’s a better time to use a certain bathroom (e.g. before the drunkards arrive). The point of this is to ease any anxiety or insecurity you may have over going to the Men’s Room. For this guy, at least — it took practice.
To tell you a little bit about my experience – I had to start going to the Men’s Room because I was presenting as too masculine to be able to go into the Women’s Room. This was a personal victory and joy. I felt uncomfortable in the Womens Room. For some reason, it was still hard to let go of that option — I felt safe there. When I no longer had that choice (though, now having the thrilling option of going to the Men’s Room at will), it did benefit me to find out what Men’s Rooms I felt comfortable frequenting.
In the last town I lived in, I frequented one bar for Queer Night every week. But the bathroom at this establishment was particularly wretched — it sported a urine trough and one stall without a lock. Of course there was no mirror or soap. It also sported lots of drunk assholes who had to pee and were liable to unwittingly rip the stall door open and leave me feeling exposed. It scared me. Sometimes I even snuck into the Women’s Room — it boasted two sinks, a huge mirror, and a private bathroom with a lock and toilet paper. But I felt weird and quite unhappy doing that. One night, I went to the bar just one block over. Lo and behold! they had a single-room Men’s Room with a lock! No mirror or toilet paper — but I was suddenly freed from feeling like I had to choose between the unsavory options at my favorite dive.
For those out there who have the option of using the Women’s Room or may not be heading to the Men’s Room yet — this is still a good tip. Whatever your priority may be for the bathroom — avoiding bad situations, using the Men’s Room, having privacy — it may bode well to figure out what options you have around you. For me, walking a block away to a private Men’s Room felt so much better than sitting in a stall, holding the door shut, listening to bros peeing in a urine-trough together loudly slurring about fucking chicks. It was well worth just taking a peek around.
I totally understand where you’re coming from. Going into the Men’s Room made me anxious for quite a while. And, going into a Men’s Room that I’m not familiar with still makes me uneasy. Part of what I talk about in the tip series on bathrooms is that its okay to be anxious, it takes getting used to, and its probably not as scary as you imagine. Men’s Rooms are very different than gender neutral bathrooms or Women’s Rooms — but if its somewhere you want to go, its something you’ll have to face. As said in this post, it does bode well to know what bathroom options are around you. Find a Men’s Room that isn’t in a scary place & check it out.
It’s interested what you say about rejection. I’ve found the Men’s Room to not be such a socially active place as Women’s Rooms. i.e. people aren’t checking each other out, they hardly interact, they don’t talk. You’re not necessarily going to be looked over & evaluated, spoken to etc. You can just powerwalk right in, make a beeline for a stall, and powerwalk right out if thats what you need to do. I’m not saying that’s the easiest thing to do — but ducking in and out of a few Men’s Rooms might help you gain the confidence to fell & act as if it’s a space for you too.
I only just stumbled upon this very helpful site, thankfully, and Its funny reading about all you experience and being able to realate to you almost exactly. Im at the stage where in uni, i have to use the mens toilets because on multiple occasions girls thought they were in the wrong bathroom. It fells pretty amazing but still terrifying! One day, i was just having a great day, so i decided to go to the mens. In my university, there are a lot of small single gender bathrooms beside each other, but there are a few disable ones. It felt really strange but beyond freeing. There was no one in it either, probably because i chose to go at a reasonably quiet time. So all was fine in the stall (there was 2 with locks), and when i went out there was a guy at the only urinal. It felt weird seeing a guy, but more importantly he barely took any notice of me. So i washed my hands and left feeling pretty handy with myself. Just thought id share that piece of info. Dont really know why though
Have you thought of just going into several different men’s washrooms and just wash your hands or get some toilet paper from a stall and blow your nose and leave. Keep trying, even at a mall at a time where it’s not crowded. Try a gay bar with “unisex” bathrooms, just to get used to seeing guys in there. It’s about breaking a taboo, Good luck…