I think it’s safe to say that sex is a very personal subject for most people, but it can be an especially touchy subject for us. We can get overwhelmed with sex because of the complexities that we face as trans men. We grapple with so many issues over something that we feel should be easy and natural. We worry about when we should reveal ourselves to potential partners, sometimes we obsess over our sexual relationships. We can get frustrated when we are forced to share our issues with partners. Too often we have to stop during moments of passion and try to explain things we maybe wish we didn’t have to. We try not to let all the details of being trans ruin romantic moments; and on top of everything we may have to deal with the reality of our bodies during the act itself. I have struggled for so many years with so many of these things.
How and when do we tell our partners that we are trans? How will they react when they learn how we are biologically equipped? How do we prepare our partners if they’ve never been with a trans guy? What if we’re not even comfortable with the idea of strap-ons and/or prosthetics? If we are only comfortable having sex without these things, will our partner accept our bodies as they are? Even if we are comfortable with whatever we opt for, will it work for a particular partner? Will our partner be sexually satisfied? Will we be satisfied? Maybe we’re not all concerned with these questions, but I’m sure some of us have struggled with these thoughts before. I certainly have.
I can’t speak for every trans man out there. Obviously we’re all sexually unique creatures; especially in terms of orientation and personal preference. I can only draw on my own personal experiences and knowledge as points of reference. I am a heterosexual trans man, and I’m unsure if I can help trans guys who deal with men. Then again, our sexual orientation doesn’t necessarily divide us. There are some problems that we probably all face when it comes to sex. I will try to steer my focus away from solely women, but forgive me if I use them as examples. Here are five tips I came up with for trans men who may be wrestling with sex issues and/ or having trouble facing potential sexual partners.
|Contributor: Dan Vena|
Continued from The Suit and How To Wear It – Part 2. This is Part 3 of 3 of “The Suit and How to Wear It” by TfTM Contributor Dan Vena
With the shirt selected it’s time to look at the vest. When pulling off a three-piecer I tend to go with vests with a straight neckline. More curved lines, like the ones Will from Glee sports, tend to look better without a jacket on top. The same can be said for those with a folded collar. The vest should fit pretty snugly against you, without causing blackouts (because you know, you already have a binder for that!). Ensure your vest stays secure by tying it up tight at the back. I find the easiest way to get this done is with a buddy. If you don’t have a fashion friend, take the vest off, tighten, try on and repeat until you get it just right.
Now here’s when we get into details.
|Contributor: Dan Vena|
Continued from The Suit and How To Wear It – Part 1. This is Part 2 of 3 of “The Suit and How to Wear It” by TfTM Contributor Dan Vena
Let’s start with the pants. Because some of us guys may be competing with figures most male suits aren’t built for (we may have a little extra curve around the hips or thighs) the most important thing is to not get frustrated. Shopping, whether you love it or loathe it, sometimes takes time. Just remember at the end of all this, you’re going look so chic you’ll be fighting them off with a stick.
|Contributor: Dan Vena|
This is Part 1 of 3 of “The Suit and How to Wear It” by TfTM Contributor Dan Vena
I’ve found that while transitioning there were a few momentous “man” moments that completely left me in the lurch. Shaving proved one of them. Fortunately, when it came to reworking my wardrobe, I had a handy dandy (and by now quite accepting) father to help me out. Incase you need a little guidance when it comes to the quintessential manly vestment – the suit – I’ve put together a somewhat lengthy step by step to help you on your way.
The suit. Let’s talk about it for a second. Yes, it’s definitely had various incantations (from the excessive aesthetics of Louis XIV to the flamboyant elegance of Beau Brummel’s Dandy to the contemporary, nostalgic resurfacings of the 1960’s Mad Men). And yes, it’s still a major marker of dominant, power-seeking masculinity (but let’s not forget the seismic shock waves Diane Keaton sent after pulling it off in Annie Hall or those set off by Marlene Dietrich forty years before). But gosh darn it if it doesn’t feel good to put one on and strut your stuff.
Mad Men’s Don Draper
This video is for those that don’t want to work out at the gym but are looking for bigger chests and upper body strength. As a transman, I know working out can be of importance to some, so I plan to do videos that give people options that are on a tight budget!