Tip #33: Wrestling with Sex Issues & Facing Potential Sexual Partners

Contributor: Damian

I think it’s safe to say that sex is a very personal subject for most people, but it can be an especially touchy subject for us. We can get overwhelmed with sex because of the complexities that we face as trans men. We grapple with so many issues over something that we feel should be easy and natural. We worry about when we should reveal ourselves to potential partners, sometimes we obsess over our sexual relationships. We can get frustrated when we are forced to share our issues with partners. Too often we have to stop during moments of passion and try to explain things we maybe wish we didn’t have to. We try not to let all the details of being trans ruin romantic moments; and on top of everything we may have to deal with the reality of our bodies during the act itself. I have struggled for so many years with so many of these things.

How and when do we tell our partners that we are trans? How will they react when they learn how we are biologically equipped? How do we prepare our partners if they’ve never been with a trans guy? What if we’re not even comfortable with the idea of strap-ons and/or prosthetics? If we are only comfortable having sex without these things, will our partner accept our bodies as they are? Even if we are comfortable with whatever we opt for, will it work for a particular partner? Will our partner be sexually satisfied? Will we be satisfied? Maybe we’re not all concerned with these questions, but I’m sure some of us have struggled with these thoughts before. I certainly have.

I can’t speak for every trans man out there. Obviously we’re all sexually unique creatures; especially in terms of orientation and personal preference. I can only draw on my own personal experiences and knowledge as points of reference. I am a heterosexual trans man, and I’m unsure if I can help trans guys who deal with men. Then again, our sexual orientation doesn’t necessarily divide us. There are some problems that we probably all face when it comes to sex. I will try to steer my focus away from solely women, but forgive me if I use them as examples. Here are five tips I came up with for trans men who may be wrestling with sex issues and/ or having trouble facing potential sexual partners.

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